Tuesday, October 03, 2006
get away next weekend
just had a weekend very away from the ordinary. ashtami/navami (the most significant days of durga puja), yom kippur (the beautiful custom of atoning for one's mistakes), and a meet up of friends who now live in different parts of the world (girls right in the middle of forties at that). while my husband and daughter yom kippurred, i ran madly from puja to friends and back, dressing up, dressing down, laughing, joking, praying, shopping, eating, drinking, being deep, being nasty. just the kind of weekend to make you think.
and i've been doing just that. especially about something that's bothered me for a while. us indians who live outside india.
watching and being indian for the last 9 odd years has been thought provoking. we're so materially ahead (yes, i generalise, for this is true of the majority), living in big houses that keep getting bigger (i've heard no other bunch of people discussing sq.footage of their homes with such zeal), sending our kids to expensive international schools and a host of other supposedly enriching classes (horse riding, golf, scuba diving, music, drama, speech, how about haiku), being members of the best clubs, representing the wealthiest ethnic group, investing in paintings (what happened to liking them), you get the picture no doubt.
and i'm really happy for us lot. we have things our parents' generation did not, most of us have made more, much much much more money than our fathers did (mothers of course rarely worked, unless as rather sadly paid school teachers). as a part-time copywriter in a small agency that can only underpay, i earn more than my dad did as a successful petroleum geologist or my grandfather did as the auditor general of india (yes yes that was years ago and all that, but it's still crazy). We're also an amazingly well educated lot (harvard/wharton/insead/iit/iim/sophia polytechnic huh? aiyaa some day we'll be famous too).
we've worked hard, taken many risks, and what the heck we deserve our elevated status and bank b. till now all is well.
then you find yourself at a dinner with us. o boy. why are we talking about money (openly or in this clumsily veiled manner, always in a funny accent) all the time or discussing people (often people we don't know very well, but let that not stop the pointless bitching)? "do you know so and so is going back to india and her husband is going to do the same job he was doing earlier for the bank (death by subtext)?"; "which part of india are you from? not india, bangladesh? o that's the same as india only! yes and my xyz function head who reports to me is from your country, got this big beard and all (much hand gesture around superior chin area)?"; "you know i have finally bought this famous painter and once he dies can you imagine how much this painting's gonna be worth?" attention attention, this is reality blog, all these instances are for real. also, please don't try at home, extreme practice under professional trainers required before you dare attempt.
on to the mom-in-law talk. yes, even now, even so many thousand miles away from her, even when she's not beating or burning us or making us make pickles under the hot sun. yes, even, nay especially now, our husband's mothers deserve no mercy, certainly no respect. love? o. mi. god.
now shall we over coffee rip this so boring!, sterile city apart? so what this is where we've made our fortunes, where we live in our beautiful homes, school our kids, keep them safe and away from drugs, wear our diamonds (you know, she had on such a big one on her finger the other day, so garish, what is she trying to prove?) without fear of being robbed, and have our philippina maids take care of us (i don't want to move to london and be the maid, ok)? so what, this 18 by 28 square mile country deserves our critical unappreciation. let's talk about these mundane silly locals and enjoy our superiority. after all, without us how would they survive!
then of course there's the religion talk. unless of course, you are above that and only laugh at people who are practicing their faith. so infra dig to be observant in this day and age, faint curling of lips, little shake of head, back to a sip of the martini (i only love the martini in this sentence). actually, anyone who's had an early morning chat with me knows i have my little angst around organised religion, what time and humans have made of great spiritual realisations, and what all religions have done to women, but that's moi. if you want to do your own thing, here's to you and may you do it well and may it open your heart and make you really rich.
and don't forget culture. don your pearls, chiffons, chanels, and satya pauls (or armanis, versaces, zegnas) and rush off for that sarod recital (after all your personal banker has invited you), plus must check out who all got invited and who're the poor devils that actually had to buy their tickets, tch tch. children must be "exposed" to our culture too, and i as a good mother must never forget that i've been told and reminded several times. a look at our state of culture here makes me shiver at the thought of any exposure.
we have so much, so how come we've become so little.
for 9 years i have looked for an exception. yes, it's there. a handful of them in fact, and now that i do a quick scan, hate to say it but most of them are my unmarried girl friends, or those that have been through difficult relationships/difficulties, or those whose children are not doing soooooo well (o us brilliant indians), or guys who didn't become ceo at 30. weren't girls who didn't marry supposed to be these sort of super frustrated, miserable lot? hmmm. time to say goodbye to another stereotype?
and when i think of the values our parents taught us, it's just so sad what i see around me. kind of un-indian almost.
does this mean i'm perfect? you mean i'm not?
what puzzles me. i would have thought, having more would allow us to be more. grow, give, gain stuff that doesn't crash when the stock market does. don't get me wrong. this is not an endorsement of the hindi movie, ooops apologies, bollywood philosophy of rich = bad, poor = good. quite the contrary. in fact i love the idea of having money and being able to do things with it; of acknowledging desire is a necessary part of life; i own my desires, they keep me going. it's just that how come instead of building on all that growing up in india gives us, we've become such shallow cardboard characters.
who knows maybe someday we will be all we can be, for now we are very moneyed (here and in many parts of good old india too), and our minds have gone on a long exclusive super luxury vacation.
shubho bijoya. hope you had a meaningful yom kippur. and those who are in the middle of ramzan, may it be as wonderful as it is supposed to be (my friends in amman, jordan had told me that this was the prophet's way of teaching people kindness and generosity by experiencing the hardships of the have nots, even then the rich were not behaving richly it would seem). here in singapore the lanterns are on and much moon cake is being consumed, it's the mid-autumn festival.
the next time i settle down to a great gossip, i hope i'll remember this entry. enjoy your weekend getaway.
and i've been doing just that. especially about something that's bothered me for a while. us indians who live outside india.
watching and being indian for the last 9 odd years has been thought provoking. we're so materially ahead (yes, i generalise, for this is true of the majority), living in big houses that keep getting bigger (i've heard no other bunch of people discussing sq.footage of their homes with such zeal), sending our kids to expensive international schools and a host of other supposedly enriching classes (horse riding, golf, scuba diving, music, drama, speech, how about haiku), being members of the best clubs, representing the wealthiest ethnic group, investing in paintings (what happened to liking them), you get the picture no doubt.
and i'm really happy for us lot. we have things our parents' generation did not, most of us have made more, much much much more money than our fathers did (mothers of course rarely worked, unless as rather sadly paid school teachers). as a part-time copywriter in a small agency that can only underpay, i earn more than my dad did as a successful petroleum geologist or my grandfather did as the auditor general of india (yes yes that was years ago and all that, but it's still crazy). We're also an amazingly well educated lot (harvard/wharton/insead/iit/iim/sophia polytechnic huh? aiyaa some day we'll be famous too).
we've worked hard, taken many risks, and what the heck we deserve our elevated status and bank b. till now all is well.
then you find yourself at a dinner with us. o boy. why are we talking about money (openly or in this clumsily veiled manner, always in a funny accent) all the time or discussing people (often people we don't know very well, but let that not stop the pointless bitching)? "do you know so and so is going back to india and her husband is going to do the same job he was doing earlier for the bank (death by subtext)?"; "which part of india are you from? not india, bangladesh? o that's the same as india only! yes and my xyz function head who reports to me is from your country, got this big beard and all (much hand gesture around superior chin area)?"; "you know i have finally bought this famous painter and once he dies can you imagine how much this painting's gonna be worth?" attention attention, this is reality blog, all these instances are for real. also, please don't try at home, extreme practice under professional trainers required before you dare attempt.
on to the mom-in-law talk. yes, even now, even so many thousand miles away from her, even when she's not beating or burning us or making us make pickles under the hot sun. yes, even, nay especially now, our husband's mothers deserve no mercy, certainly no respect. love? o. mi. god.
now shall we over coffee rip this so boring!, sterile city apart? so what this is where we've made our fortunes, where we live in our beautiful homes, school our kids, keep them safe and away from drugs, wear our diamonds (you know, she had on such a big one on her finger the other day, so garish, what is she trying to prove?) without fear of being robbed, and have our philippina maids take care of us (i don't want to move to london and be the maid, ok)? so what, this 18 by 28 square mile country deserves our critical unappreciation. let's talk about these mundane silly locals and enjoy our superiority. after all, without us how would they survive!
then of course there's the religion talk. unless of course, you are above that and only laugh at people who are practicing their faith. so infra dig to be observant in this day and age, faint curling of lips, little shake of head, back to a sip of the martini (i only love the martini in this sentence). actually, anyone who's had an early morning chat with me knows i have my little angst around organised religion, what time and humans have made of great spiritual realisations, and what all religions have done to women, but that's moi. if you want to do your own thing, here's to you and may you do it well and may it open your heart and make you really rich.
and don't forget culture. don your pearls, chiffons, chanels, and satya pauls (or armanis, versaces, zegnas) and rush off for that sarod recital (after all your personal banker has invited you), plus must check out who all got invited and who're the poor devils that actually had to buy their tickets, tch tch. children must be "exposed" to our culture too, and i as a good mother must never forget that i've been told and reminded several times. a look at our state of culture here makes me shiver at the thought of any exposure.
we have so much, so how come we've become so little.
for 9 years i have looked for an exception. yes, it's there. a handful of them in fact, and now that i do a quick scan, hate to say it but most of them are my unmarried girl friends, or those that have been through difficult relationships/difficulties, or those whose children are not doing soooooo well (o us brilliant indians), or guys who didn't become ceo at 30. weren't girls who didn't marry supposed to be these sort of super frustrated, miserable lot? hmmm. time to say goodbye to another stereotype?
and when i think of the values our parents taught us, it's just so sad what i see around me. kind of un-indian almost.
does this mean i'm perfect? you mean i'm not?
what puzzles me. i would have thought, having more would allow us to be more. grow, give, gain stuff that doesn't crash when the stock market does. don't get me wrong. this is not an endorsement of the hindi movie, ooops apologies, bollywood philosophy of rich = bad, poor = good. quite the contrary. in fact i love the idea of having money and being able to do things with it; of acknowledging desire is a necessary part of life; i own my desires, they keep me going. it's just that how come instead of building on all that growing up in india gives us, we've become such shallow cardboard characters.
who knows maybe someday we will be all we can be, for now we are very moneyed (here and in many parts of good old india too), and our minds have gone on a long exclusive super luxury vacation.
shubho bijoya. hope you had a meaningful yom kippur. and those who are in the middle of ramzan, may it be as wonderful as it is supposed to be (my friends in amman, jordan had told me that this was the prophet's way of teaching people kindness and generosity by experiencing the hardships of the have nots, even then the rich were not behaving richly it would seem). here in singapore the lanterns are on and much moon cake is being consumed, it's the mid-autumn festival.
the next time i settle down to a great gossip, i hope i'll remember this entry. enjoy your weekend getaway.
