in the middle of life

behind my ears, a warmth rising, slightly damp, almost wet to the feel. in the middle of life, perhaps a few steps past, 49 this year after all. a morning of thoughts, no realisations as usual. why do we come to the place we come to? why do we do what we do, choose as we choose, believe as we believe? what do we do when most of all that seems to lead to nothing much, only thoughts. for if one didn't think, one would what? die? go insane? nah, nothing that dramatic. just the day would go and with that thoughts.
people live, people die, people hurt, especially others. i do. do you? what remains? thoughts? what's their worth? or are they all that's worth. i live in a wrap of thoughts. some about those gone: memories, perceptions (mine), meanderings. and some about those still here and all my perceptions, however far they may stir from reality (what's that.)
when does what you hold to be true, and all that you base that belief on, begin to disarray (yes, i just made that into a verb), disappear. does it take years, months, a moment? what do you do when you have to know that what you held as truth was really a figment, a superb fabrication of your imagination. the truth was somewhere else all along. you needed to see it differently.
omig is that a realisation?
no place for that in this trip on the third rock from the sun.
it's good to be here. thank you whoever created cyberspace.